A most peculiar figure paid a visit the other night. She was introduced to me as Death, and everything about her reflected a perfect union of attraction, compassion, beauty and grace. She looked at me, and through her eyes I saw places of immense beauty and bliss. With “places” here I don’t mean physical places or landscapes but rather like mindscapes, wholly other states of mind beyond all physical experience. I would have wanted to go there immediately. She told me that she would be happy to take me there, but a great sacrifice would be required. “Do you know whether you’re ready for it?” But the other voice remarked, “She has not come here for you tonight. You cannot go now. Don’t worry, though, you two will meet again at a later date.”

Great pressure on my chest forced me to wake up. Sleep paralysis, apparently. Immediate thought after waking: If that place was afterlife, I’m looking forward to go there! I can wait, though, there are plenty of things to take care of in the meantime…

Death is the great taboo that people fear and try to avoid at any cost. Our minds are so tightly entangled in the matters we consider “everything” – we fear the loss of earthly things: other people, possessions, commitments, memories, opinions, world views… and most of all we fear the loss of identity, consciousness of what we (falsely) call “self”. It seems that one of the things for me to learn in this life is non-attachment, how to let go of things. I have learned quite a bit during the years, and usually accept the fact that there are things, ideas and people that I cannot have, cannot keep, no matter how much I would “want” to. Pain of loss still hangs around occasionally, but I take it as a reminder to enjoy the wonders of life while they happen instead of wasting the time worrying about things I cannot change.

Death is a great teacher. She puts things into perspective. She reminds me that I could never overdose on compassion, so better always have plenty of it at hand. Now I know who She came for. Paavo, one of the rats that occupy our kitchen, died today. The last, so far, of several to pass away this year. Farewell, Paavo, have an incredible journey. Rats, such a sad combination: short age and wonderful, witty characters. Our garden is slowly turning to a graveyard, my memory to a page of obituaries. The Great Recycler keeps on churning. Pause from your busyness for a moment and you’ll hear the wheels turn.

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